The other day a friend said to me, “you’re not listening to me.”

It really took me by surprise, because I thought I was a good listener…and in fact I had just said to my boyfriend the other day, “I don’t feel like you’re listening to me.”  All the while thinking I was totally hearing what he was saying!

So now I see, he was just being my mirror, and maybe I am the one who needs to work on my listening skills more.

When you come to me for a massage, you are really paying me to listen to you.  You are paying me to listen to your body.

I need to really hear what your body needs, how much pressure the muscle can take, how fast or slow to massage, if I need to linger a bit longer on a muscle or move to another body part.  I need to listen to your energy body as well.  Do you need more energy in an area or is there too much stored in one place which needs to be dispersed?

Luckily, my hands seem to listen better than my ears…according to my friend.

But I am also working on my listening ears through studying Non-Violent Communication (NVC), a practice developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD.

Rooted in the principles of nonviolence– the natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart, NVC reminds us what we already instinctively know…about how good it feels to authentically connect to another human being.

What if communication is really about connecting, not convincing?

Another training I went to once on Couples Communication taught me that when someone is truly heard they feel loved.

With NVC we learn to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC helps us discover the depth of our own compassion. This language reveals the awareness that all human beings are only trying to honor universal values and needs, every minute, every day.

Who in your life is calling out for you to listen more?  What in yourself is desiring to be heard?  Do you ever find yourself thinking how to respond while the person you’re communicating with is still talking?

I invite you today to pay attention to what is going on inside of you when a loved one, a stranger or yourself is talking.  Where is your focus?  What would it feel like to be centered in your heart with ears wide open?